Ferret Cola: Pepsi Raw

This article was originally published on Ferretbrain. I’ve backdated it to its original Ferretbrain publication date but it may have been edited and amended since its original appearance.

With the capitalist system reeling around like a punch-drunk boxer, and the destiny of the world hinging on a contest between the Chosen One and a cranky old man whose running mate has become the poster girl for willful ignorance, there’s obviously no subject on Earth more important and relevant than the latest new cola from Pepsi, Pepsi Raw.

To give some context, although like everyone else who isn’t actually employed by Coca-Cola or Pepsi I’ll happily drink either company’s brands, I confess that I’m slightly biased towards Pepsi. Specifically, I regard Pepsi Max as the pinnacle of the drink-by-the-gallon soft drinks market. Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi and Diet Pepsi I consider pretty interchangeable; Coke Zero is a flavourless horror. But Pepsi Max is different: it’s pure bottled psychosis and it tastes great! I don’t know whether they actually dump way more caffeine into Pepsi Max than they do their other brands, or whether the extra flavouring has its own psychoactive effect, but after a few glasses of Max I’m going to be up all night tweaking like a speed freak. And that is precisely what I want out of that sort of soft drink: a caffeine hit that calms my withdrawal-shakes and gives me the anxiety-shakes in the space of three sips.